Votes.

Today was Provincial Election day in British Columbia. I’ve been legally able to vote for two years and so I do, because I believe that it is important to have a voice. There are people all over the world who DIE to cast political votes, because they think it’s important. They are right. It is important. Having a voice, an opinion, a choice. It really is something that shouldn’t be taken for granted. In saying that, I understand that sometimes, the campaigns and the posters and the commercials and the ads are a HUGE pain in the butt. However, they educate us to make the best (or what we believe to be the best) choices that we can for our province and our country. 

While I may not follow politics religiously, I think it is important to know enough to vote. I vote because I want my opinion to be heard. While the party I voted for today did not win, that’s okay. I made a choice, I cast my ballot, and I felt okay doing it.

Someone told me today that voting is choosing who you think is the lesser of the evils. While none of the parties are perfect, they do what they think is best for us. Some of it isn’t always the best choices, but really, can we blame them for trying? No, I didn’t think so. I may not vote Conservative, or Liberal, or NDP (honestly, I don’t trust anyone with “Dix” as a last name), and my party may not have won today, but that doesn’t mean they should give up. Or that anyone should give up just because they failed. Sometimes, the beauty is in the attempt.

I’ve seen quite a few harsh comments today on social media sites, and I don’t really understand why. Everyone advocates for bullying to stop, but as soon as it’s a political thing, there are harsh words thrown, and people being rude and hurtful for no reason. There isn’t a difference between bullying a student and bullying a politician. Just so you know.

I don’t vote NDP. I never will. However, I do respect what the late Jack Layton tried to do. I respect him as a person, and I hope his spirit has found peace, and that his wife has found the grace to be okay, and to move on.

“My friends, love is better than anger. Hope is better than fear. Optimism is better than despair. So let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic. And we’ll change the world.” – Jack Layton.

On another, more lighter note, I need your votes please people!! I have recently been entered in the Mary Kay One Woman Can Makeover Contest. There is a cash prize for first place, and the money will go towards a charity of the winner’s choice. I have chosen the Canadian Cancer Society, and I need your votes to make this happen!! There is a link below – please click it (or copy and paste), and it will take you to the Mary Kay OWC page. There you can see my before and after makeover pictures, and read my story. Then click vote!!!! 🙂 🙂 Thanks in advance everyone, and much love! 🙂

 

https://www.makeovercontestmarykay.com/en-ca/participant/local/915c77b314b5e9f627a41b044ee2725afe448043/

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Naked.

self-explanatory.

Special People.

 

So, I figured tonight I could take a break from my rants, which all my posts have been as of late.

I found myself inspired tonight – by my godparents.

My Auntie Melanie and Uncle Maury are honestly two of the best people I know. They are helpful, supportive, honest, loving, and caring. They also are my mom’s best and longest friends, so I know they’ve always been good people. My mom is one of the best judges of character.

Married for 20+ years, they have one of the most solid relationships I’ve ever seen. 2 kids, family problems, etc .. And through it all their love for each other never wavers. Ever. I’m not saying that they’re perfect – no one is. But I’ve never seen any other couple push through and come out better people, then the way these two have.

My Auntie Mel – she is definitely like another mom to me. While I may not see her as often as I used too, I know our relationship is still something we both cherish. She is one of the most creative people I’ve ever met. Her design skills, and how she decorates. She’s also one of the most skilled painters I’ve ever seen. Plus she can knock back that beer like you wouldn’t believe ;). Ahaha okay I’m serious about that part, but honestly, that’s not all she is. Like I said before she is honest and caring and loving and she’s my mom’s best friend. She’s also everything I want in a best friend.

My Uncle Maury is hilarious. He is so funny. He loves to dance, and he can sing and play guitar like no one’s business. I remember being little and sick on their couch, and he’d sing songs for me. I loved that. He also gives the BEST hugs ever. He definitely was one of the best father figures I’ve ever had – as many of you probably know, my biological father bailed when I was two months old. I know I have in part, my Uncle Maury to thank for the way I was raised.

They also dished out the discipline when I needed it – and often I did, I was a bratty, shit disturbing little kid. I used to get freaked out when my mom wasn’t in the house with me, and I’d panic and call my grandparents .. Which is what happened when I was 4 or 5, and at Auntie & Uncle’s house. I remember my grandparents came screaming down the drive in their car, worried to death about me because they thought I was all alone. Mom, Auntie, Uncle and everyone else that was there, were in the backyard sitting around a fire drinking beer. Was I ever in shit, I tell ya. Auntie Mel spanked me and I wasn’t allowed to use the phone at her house for a LONG time after that. There’s also the time when we were all in the fishing derby on July long weekend. I was probably around the same age, 4 or 5, maybe younger. I was disobeying my mom horribly that day – like I said, I was a little shit. Uncle Maury wasn’t in the mood for it, I remember it SO clearly. He said if I didn’t start listening to my mom I was going to be hung upside over the side of the boat and dipped in the water – I definitely didn’t believe him, and I wish I had because he actually did it. I was wearing blue shorts and a pink sweater and he was holding my ankles and dipping me in the water. Sounds kinda horrible, but looking back now it’s funny and I definitely wasn’t hurt by it ahah.

They really are the best people I’ve ever known, I am so blessed to be able to call them family. They have two kids, Ty who is a couple years older than me, and Reo who is a couple years younger – I love being able to say that they are “my cousins”. I love them all dearly.

We have taken trips together too – the 6 of us have gone to music festivals, water parks, family reunions. The fall of 2006 we went to Disneyland 🙂 best family trip I’ve ever gone on!

I really am grateful that these are the people my mom chose as my legal guardians if something were to happen to her. Thank God it didn’t, my mom is so special to me. But if it had, I know that they would have done a spectacular job raising me.

I ❤ my Spooners.

 

WBC.

The Westboro Baptist Church. Typing that gave me chills. These people, they are actually scary. They say that they’re “God-fearing” and they “love” people so much that they feel it is their duty that their lifestyles are going to send them to hell. These “church-goers” and “religious people of God” are picketing funerals of soldiers. They carry signs that say “God hates America” and “Don’t worship the dead.” ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?! I can’t even explain this, I can’t understand it; this hatred, this animosity. It isn’t natural, it shouldn’t be natural to anyone. I get that everyone has their own views, I fully understand that. I just don’t understand how THIS is anyone’s view or religion or whatever the hell you call it. This hatred actually blows my mind.

I am watching these YouTube videos, “America’s Most Hated Family” and it’s an 8 part series of 8-9 minute videos, and they’re about the Phelps family, who are the main components of the WBC. Documented by Louis Theroux, he follows the Phelps family around and tries to understand their lifestyle – a feat which I feel would be hard for anyone.

I know I am not the eloquent speaker and/or writer, so please bear with me. I am kind of probably going to be all over the place, and kinda sporadic so sorry to everyone reading this!

I’ve said it already in this post, but I don’t understand the hatred. And the picketing. I really don’t understand the picketing. I don’t understand going to a 9 year old’s funeral to picket her death. “In January 2011, Westboro announced that they would picket the funeral of Christina Green, a 9-year-old victim of the 2011 Tucson shooting.” I don’t understand flying to Chicago to picket the funeral of a soldier. A soldier, who, BY THE FUCKING WAY, gave his life so that they could live free and not in fear in their country of America. I DO NOT understand picketing the funerals of the children who were killed in the Sandy Hook Elementary school shootings. But apparently, picketing these funerals is okay. Obviously they died because God wanted them too, according to the WBC. According to these people, God chooses people who deserves to die, so the WBC can just go and have it off picketing their funerals. How much more fucking disrespectful can you get?

Jesus was a Jewish man. Jesus loved EVERYONE. Jesus was love, Jesus spread love, Jesus wanted everyone to be loved.

I say that I am a “Christian”, but honestly, if this is what religion is like, I don’t think I want any part of it.

At one of their pickets, Theroux asked a 5 year old girl if she knew what her sign “God hates fags” meant .. And she said no. SHE SAID NO. She had no idea what her sign meant. It’s horrible that this is what children are being taught, that this is the generation that is being raised.

Okay seriously, I had such an educated, thought out, planned, LONG post in my head before I started typing all of this, and now it’s gone. Good job Teghan. You’re like a cat distracted by a red laser point.

I wonder how the WBC feels about fat people like me? Or people with piercings, tattoos, or whatever! I don’t understand the judgement brought down on people who are not members of the WBC.

Pretty much what I’ve understood from watching these YouTube clips is that if you aren’t part of the WBC, you are going to hell. If you are gay, you’re going to hell. If you are any other freakin’ religion, you are going to hell.

There’s a part in one of the videos where a very angry bystander walks up to the Phelps family as they do one of their daily protests, and she absolutely loses her shit on them, screaming and swearing and asking why they have ANY right to judge people and to speak on behalf of God. I gotta say, I agree with her. This girl, she was so visibly angry she was to the point of tears and she was shaking. I felt for her, and I felt with her, because I don’t understand. I don’t understand the judgement and the hate and the bigotry. At one point when she goes to walk away, she is yelled at that they feel sorry for her because she has been raised to worship Satan, and obviously her parents never loved her if that’s the case. Seriously? I’ve never asked my mom why I wasn’t around a constant church setting, but I’ve got a pretty good idea it was because she didn’t want me to become brainwashed like these people. And honestly, I see that as love. She didn’t want me to become something horrible and repulsive, so I wasn’t raised around that life. To me, that is love. If that means I have been raised to worship Satan, then so be it. Thanks mom. Thank you for letting me choose my own path, my own religion, my own goddamn life.

The young girls, girls my age, talked about when they burned the Quran outside the funeral of a Muslim man from their town who had died, and there was a man outside who was yelling at them. The next week, this mans’ wife passed away the next week from cancer. According to the WBC, his wife’s death was an act of God, because this man did not burn the Quran with them. Fuck. Right. Off. Seriously?! I can’t even describe how angry this makes me! When the girl, Jael, talks about burning the Quran, she calls it an “adulterous piece of trash” and that burning it was the respect it deserved, and while she was doing so, she could barely keep eye contact with Theroux – I took this to mean she knew what she was talking about was wrong, and what they had done was wrong. After she finished her little uneducated speech, Theroux says to her, “wow, there was so many things there that were offensive, that was amazing.” AND SHE LAUGHED. She laughed in his face, like she didn’t even care. How hurtful and disrespectful. How horrible. Ugh. I can’t even think right now, I am seeing red.

Libby Phelps is the granddaughter of Fred Phelps Sr., the Pastor of the WBC, and she left the church, and was disowned by her family. Her mother and father stated that if she was to come back and repent, she would be welcomed back with open arms, and they’d love and accept her again.

Lauren Drain is the daughter of Steve and Lucy Drain, a couple who came to document the WBC, and they ended up staying because they decided it was a religion they wanted. Eventually, she left, she moved 1000 miles away and got a house and a job. Her family disowned her too, and in her fathers words, “I don’t miss her. Why should I miss her? She was a liar.” I may not be a parent, and me being a parent may not ever happen, but I can sure as hell tell you, and the last time I checked, you did NOT stop loving or missing your child because of a lifestyle they chose, or a church they left. How horrible. Your child is the one person you love more than life, more than anything. These people are not parents – they are like a jail.

On May 14, 2008, two days after the deadly 2008 Sichuan earthquake, WBC issued a press release thanking God for the heavy loss of life in China, and praying “for many more earthquakes to kill many more thousands of impudent and ungrateful Chinese”. What the actual fuck people? Really? SERIOUSLY?! That’s horrible. I honestly feel like these people have never read the Bible. God doesn’t just want people to die just because. Natural disasters aren’t God’s punishment, “just because” He (or She, honestly at this point I don’t know what I believe), feels like it, or is bored. That is absolute, 100%, BULLSHIT.

In one of the videos, a follow up, Jael is wearing a football jersey. Really? Cool. Well, Megan, you’re going to hell, because football is a sin. Throwing around the pigskin is a sin. Have fun. 🙂

When someone doesn’t believe in God anymore, Heaven and Hell no longer exist – so someone who doesn’t believe in God isn’t going to Hell. Sounds like a good deal to me, to be straight with ya. Really, the Bible was written over 2000 years ago. How up-to-date and real can it be now?

I really don’t know what else to write – I feel like I’ve drug this on long enough, and been more repetitive then I needed to be, so again, sorry everyone!!

wipe out homophobia.

I never really know how to begin a post here, I feel so awkward all the time! Ahah.

So anyway, my post today disturbs even me, so I apologize to everyone reading it.

I was watching a Criminal Minds episode earlier today, an episode from last week. It was about a man who was killing because he was gay. He killed the men he slept with because of his sexual attraction towards them, and he killed women because even though he was attracted to them, he couldn’t perform. There was a scene when the agents were profiling him, so they went to what was called a “conversion camp” – where gay, lesbian, bisexual kids were sent to “change” and the counsellors and directors tried to make them straight. The kids that were there, they had their phones, iPods, makeup, everything taken away. Long hair was cut, colored hair was shaved, and ear piercings and stuff all had to be taken out. The boys had to do shop and wood classes – get in touch with their “masculinity.” The girls had to wear skirts and be more “feminine.” Eventually, in the end when they arrested their murder suspect and had warrants to arrest everyone at the “conversion camp”, there was a room where they had boys lined up sitting in chairs, with IV’s that were pumping them full of sedatives and hormones while they were forced to watch pornography that would make them “straight.”

Uh .. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!

I hate how LGBT people are treated. It makes me so, so sad. They’ve been told that they are “abominations” and that God or Jesus or who the hell ever doesn’t love them. It’s so wrong, and so sad. I know that a lot of my posts touch on this subject – LGBT people and how they’re treated and whatnot, but honestly, I feel like no one talks about it enough because they think it’s still a taboo subject, and I obviously have a lot to say about it!

You know the only real difference between straight people and LGBT people? Straight people are fucking obsessed with what LGBT people are doing with their genitals, and want to change it. LGBT people DO NOT GIVE ONE SINGLE FUCK about what straight people do with theirs.

I think people need to stop caring so much about other peoples lives and shit. If everyone just kept their nose in their own business, and stopped budding into other peoples lives, the world would be better and happier, and people could stop all this ridiculous hating each other stuff!

Seriously people. Move on with your own lives, and grow up.

Done deal.

🙂

:( sad post ..

I feel like I’m drowning here in Prince George. Like if I don’t get out soon, I’ll rot here. Maybe it’s because I don’t have my parents here, or lots of friends here. Maybe it’s my depression. Maybe it’s not being able to hold a steady job. Maybe it’s not knowing what I want to do with the rest of my life .. But I HATE IT HERE. I hate feeling alone and sad and trapped here. I want so badly to go back to Vancouver. I miss the architecture and the diversity of the people and the food and the ocean and how it never snows. I miss being in big crowds. I miss the noise and the lights and God forbid I say this, I miss the overbearing, crazy, insane Canucks fans. I miss Gastown. I miss the SkyTrain. I miss the Vancouver Public Library, and Metrotown Mall. I miss the city. I left my heart there, and I need to go back.

So I guess I’m gonna rant again a little bit tonight (what’s new, right? ahah). But k, seriously, here goooooes. I HATE when people try and force their beliefs on others; like whaaat the fuck, back off. Those people that you’re forcing this stuff on obviously don’t believe in it because of whatever reason, don’t try and change their minds. Take Christianity for example – yes, I am a “Christian”, whatever that even means. Yes, I believe that God sent Jesus to the Virgin Mary and her husband Joseph so they could raise him and Jesus would eventually die for my sins so I could live and have an eternal life for those who believed in him. That is what I believe. I am not going to force this belief on you, and I am not going to tell you that you’re going to Hell for what you don’t believe in. I don’t force my beliefs on you because I am Christian – I would not force my beliefs on anyone if I was Jewish, Muslim, Catholic, Atheist, Agnostic, Buddhist, a monk, a nun, or whatever else I was.

I’m straight. I like boys. I am not going to force my lifestyle of being straight on anyone. I think the LGBT community freakin’ rocks, and they definitely are some of the best people I know; I’ve found that because they are judged so much, they won’t pass judgement on other people. They know how bad it hurts.

Kay pretty much lost my train of thought, so I think my rant is over .. Night 🙂

 

xx.

My New Reality.

You know those times when you have a shitty day and you’re just like, “Okay well it’s one day. I’ll be okay tomorrow, and I’ll have a better day.” And lots of times, that all that happens with people. I’m not so lucky. I have piles of these days, and believe me, it’s not easy to deal with. But I thought I’d be okay because “they’re just bad days.” But when those bad days are all that happens, and that really bad feeling in the pit of your stomach doesn’t go away, and you feel like you’d be better off if you weren’t on this planet, and the people around you start to notice that you’re not okay anymore, something needs to change. This is my New Reality.

I have very recently (like 6 or 7 hours ago recently) been diagnosed with what is called “major clinical depression”. And it hit me like a rock – even though I’d been expecting it. I knew that something was wrong, because I definitely have not been myself lately. Ever since my Grandma died last December, I’ve had “bad days”. I shut down, and I turn off my phone. I sleep all day and night, I don’t eat, and I watch TV. I don’t go to see people, and I don’t leave my apartment. It’s not a nice sight, but this is what I deal with. Depression can consume you, it takes over your whole body and your mind and the thoughts that you have – they aren’t pretty. They’re pretty scary for me. It’s like there’s no way up. It’s not necessarily thoughts of suicide, I certainly don’t have a plan to kill myself. Instead, I think about what would happen if I DID do it – how would people react? Would they miss me? Who would show up to my funeral? How would my family handle life without me? I think that if I had noticed earlier maybe, that what I had is depression, like if I had noticed 6 months ago, I wouldn’t be on medication, because I wouldn’t be as deep in it as I am now – I wish this had been the case.

The doctor I saw tonight said that the trigger of my depression definitely was the death of my grandma – just over a year ago. 363 days, to be exact. I know he’s right, but then there’s been contributing factors; breaking up with my ex-boyfriend when I was still in Vancouver, moving to Prince George, because I definitely feel trapped here, I haven’t been able to hold down a job since I’ve been here, and I am so, so broke. And I feel alone, all the time. You know how sometimes you can stand in a crowded room of people that you know and love, and you feel alone? That’s how my depression feels, all the time. And like I’ll never be happy again. The doctor described it as, at first, I was in mourning, and then now, I’ve gone past a normal grieving process and it’s spiralled me into a depression.

Depression is a mental illness, and for the people who say it’s a choice .. You are so, so wrong. I’d give so much to “choose” just to be happy again, and maybe if I had dealt with it earlier, I could have made that choice. And I wouldn’t be where I am right now. I can hopefully come out of this a stronger person, but I know I can’t do it alone; I definitely will need my support system of my friends and my family .. But I think I need to find my faith again too. I think I need to get back to the core of what I believe in, because it has helped me before. In the Bible, God says to cast your anxiety on him. He wants to take your junk and walk with you and help you through it – and I need to get back to that. It’s totally cool if religion isn’t your thing, but it is mine, and I know I need it to help me through this.

I am now on a month of a new, recently released anti-depressant medication, and if it works, like I hope it will, I won’t have to take it after a month. I also have the number for a counselling hotline, and I know I’ll be utilizing that too. I hope people don’t think differently of me because I have a “mental illness”. I need my support system now, more than I ever have.

For anyone suffering from depression, don’t let it drag you down. There is light at the end of the tunnel, and eventually we will all see it and find our way up. Sometimes it takes longer for some people, but that’s okay. I encourage you to talk to someone, to seek help, and educate yourself. The more you know, the easier things will be. Go to a doctor, see a counsellor, talk to your family. But get some sort of help. It gets better.

xx.

 

http://www.dbsalliance.org/site/PageServer?pagename=education_depression&gclid=CLeCp-jqo7QCFWlxQgodCCYAuA

http://bbrfoundation.org/depression?gclid=CMyXyPDqo7QCFUjZQgodEGMAkg

http://www.mclean.harvard.edu/patient/child/atp.php?all

http://www.blubberbuster.com/school/depression_resources.htm

http://www.health.com/health/gallery/0,,20521915,00.html

 

plural marriage ..

RANT NIGHT! First off, I am not going to be censored in this blog. If it offends you, too bad. This is how I feel.

I watch the TLC TV reality series ‘Sister Wives’ religiously every week. And I love them. I really do. They are a strong, grounded, down to earth family; yes, a HUGE family. 22 people. There are 5 parents – Kody Brown, the husband & father, Meri, wife #1, Janelle, wife #2, Christine, wife #3, and Robyn, wife #4. Combined, these parents have 17 children between the ages of 18 and 1 year.

When I used to think of polygamy, I thought it was this bad, horrible thing that people deserved to be sent to jail for; and in some cases it is. This is not the case of the Brown family. They have provided a loving, caring, supportive, and honest environment for their children – much like the one that you or I was raised in. But, like anything, there are stereotypes because the polygamist lifestyle and faith is associated with so much bad stuff. The most common stereotype that I’ve heard the most of, is that there are always underaged brides being married off; this is untrue, especially in the case of the Browns. Yes, Kody and Meri were young when they got married – 22 and 19 respectively. However, there are younger kids doing worse, especially in today’s society.

In 2006, a man named Warren Jeffs who was the leader of the FLDS, or Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, gained around the world celebrity when he was placed on the FBI’s Ten Most Wanted List for unlawful flight to avoid prosecution on Utah state charges related to his alleged arrangement of illegal marriages between his adult male followers and underage girls. He was arrested in August 2006 in Nevada, and agreed to be taken to Utah for trial. In May and July 2007 the State of Arizona charged him with eight additional counts, including sexual conduct with minors and incest, in two separate cases.

This man, Warren Jeffs, is why polygamists are slapped with these stereotypes. This man screwed up everything for the people who believe in this faith, and in this lifestyle, because he was power hungry, and sick and twisted and perverted.

I feel so bad for people like the Brown family, who had to flee Utah to avoid being arrested and prosecuted, because of the lifestyle they live. There was no child abuse, no underage marriages, no physical/sexual/emotional abuse, and yet they fled because of Warren Jeffs and his need for God knows what.

Polygamy isn’t limited just to the United States either, oh no. In B.C, in a town called Bountiful, there have been numerous police investigations into sexual abuse, and human trafficking. Would you be surprised if I told you that Warren Jeffs had ties to this community as well?

I guess I decided to write this blog because I’m tired of stereotypes. Just because the Browns’ are a polygamist family, doesn’t mean that they practice the illegalities of it. They are as normal as you, or as I. Yes, there’s 4 wives sharing one husband and 17 children have 4 moms. Whatthefuckever. Really, once you get down to it, they’re normal. They have jobs, the kids are enrolled in public schools, the eldest are getting ready to go off to university, and they’re all just trying to live their lives.

I may support the Browns’, but I know I would never be able to live their lifestyle. I am much to jealous and controlling for that shit, lol. However, in saying that, I am not going to persecute them because of what they believe in; nor are they going to do the same to us. It’s the same as if someone was gay! And lots of people are, and that’s friggin awesome! I love gay people! But that’s simply not a lifestyle I would choose for myself, and even though you or I may not choose it, certainly doesn’t mean it’s wrong. I don’t feel anyone should be judged on the color of their skin, or their sexual preference, or their faith, or their whatever. Unless you’re like, set on killing people and genocide and all that, I’ll leave you alone. I don’t believe in hate crimes, I don’t believe in prejudiced persecution, and I sure as hell don’t believe in judging someone because he has more than one wife.

**END OF RANT**.

Movement; This is Your Life.

Who are we? As people, who are we? What makes us tick? What drives us, what focuses us? What motivates us, what makes us mad or angry or sad or happy or excited? ANYTHING. Anything can do this for us. We have so many different feelings and emotions and quirks and things that make us who we are. There is always so much movement in our lives, all the time. We don’t stop. We’re starting careers and families and relationships; we’re also ending these things, and it goes so fast .. Even if its never all good, do we ever really appreciate what goes on? It seems that no one is stopping to smell the roses anymore, and we’re just letting all the good and joy just go over our heads cause we’re too busy to enjoy it. People need to slow down, and take a breather. Life only happens once, and I’m pretty sure most of us want it to be long and happy, and worth watching when it flashes before our eyes.

 

 

“It’s the oldest story in the world. One day you’re seventeen, and planning for someday, and then quietly, without you ever really noticing, someday is today, and that someday is yesterday, and this is your life.” – Nathan Scott, One Tree Hill.